Reach

Fictional poem written in collaboration with @edenexempt

her

Old, new, borrowed, blue,

Blue in the eyes

Eyes of the crowd

The crowd stares....

Silence.

Just me,

At the altar,

Where are you?

A crushing weight

Sits on my chest.

I feel raw around the edges,

Tender to the touch.

My belly is distended,

From the feelings of isolation

That I swallow to hide away.

Where are you?

You always play your little games with me

I’m your marionette,

Your little toy,

And you know I will just come back for more

I like when you pull my strings

I cry when you stop

You are a cigarette,

The smoke curls around my tongue,

Down my throat,

Making me nauseous.

I put up a brave front,

I pretend I am a fortress,

But really, I’m an island with no visitors.

I try to cut the threads,

But as soon as you feel one go slack,

You quickly jump back,

To tie it again.

Where are you?

➽──────❥ ❀⊱༺♡༻⊰❀ ➽──────❥

him

Silence consumed you as I left you at the altar

Their voices gasped and the priest faltered
I am nothing if not a man with vices

If i’m going to be a husband, it’ll come with a price

I saw you exhale as if the air in your lungs did not belong

My footsteps echoed through the hall

I was once a man you called your lover

Now I’ll just be a figure you’ll try to forget forever

Your question begs like a voice looming over me

Where am I?

The voice closes in and i’m back in my car

Holding the wheel and shifting the gear

You choke on your tears

I’m the water and I taste bitter

And you have to swallow your pain

Your love wraps tight
Across my aching skin and pulls me in

I’m starting to look for exits before you touch me

But I’m the only sinner in my car seat

The flowers were arranged in expectation

They were lavender and daffodils

I was supposed to be your greatest wealth

I was supposed to take care of you

In sickness, and in health…

I miss your lipstick on my shirt

The way my finger hooked into your mouth

And that twisted smile that made me go wild

And the mascara pouring down

I loved the chase of being wanted by you

A prize you couldn’t have

I was something so far out of reach

And now that you have me, I’m gone

Where are you?

I’m right here

Just far enough

To breathe

➽──────❥ ❀⊱༺♡༻⊰❀ ➽──────❥

her

I stare at the ceiling

Thinking of the looks

The sad, pitying faces

As I turned and ran down the aisle,

Alone

I think back to how you were

Back in the beginning,

You would talk distantly,

And when I’d ask why,

You evade,

Leaving me wondering

If you wonder

About me.

Maybe back then, I liked your distance

Your age

Your power

Perhaps

Not you

Because I never knew,

And clearly still don’t know

You.

Perhaps

This could

Be just a story

Of love and lust

And trust

That I have and had none to spare

Because it had been broken

And minced

So many times.

Back in the beginning,

Your words would be

The sand on my calluses

You’d soften

My thoughts

Then rile me up

Like you liked

The anger

The passion

The fear

As you broke me

➽──────❥ ❀⊱༺♡༻⊰❀ ➽──────❥

him

I’m off far away secluded
I’m at a distance, never close to another once more

A touch of another is completely new and that is what I deserve

I’m a master to Avoidance and that is whom I serve

I built my walls brick by brick
As soon as you came in
I felt the earth tremor and threw you from within
I felt nauseous, dazed at the idea that I could be loved therein

Maybe that is what I deserve

For not choosing you

My ex bride
The love of my life

➽──────❥ ❀⊱༺♡༻⊰❀ ➽──────❥

her

It’s been a year

Since I last heard from you

It’s spring

The cherry has blossoms

And I’m alone

I quit nicotine,

And, for once, I’m truly happy

The volcanic rage that ran hot in my blood

Made way for indigo sadness

Made way for shiny peace,

And hope,

The little pebble I keep in my pocket.

The sunshine on my face

As I walk between the tulips

Warms my body

To match my heart

At least I know now,

That I’m alright,

And wherever 1 go,

Everything will be fine.

I pick myself a bouquet of flowers,

No strings attached.

➽──────❥ ❀⊱༺♡༻⊰❀ ➽──────❥